HEALTH TIPS, GUIDES AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

7 Steps to Happily Ever After for the Modern Day Couple

With all of the talk of short-term marriages, turnaround relationships and quickie divorces, it may seem that the idea of long-lasting, stable relationships has been thrown out with the trash. Although the media would probably beg to differ, there are many couples still standing strong year after year in today’s relationship-unfriendly world. Building the best relationships takes effort on both partners. If you are like many couples who are ready for the challenge of making a great relationship last longer, then you are probably searching for ideas to make your love last. Below is a beginner’s guide to creating “Happily-Ever-After”.

1. Be open to trying new things together. You love sports and your partner loves music. There is nothing wrong with liking different interests. The differences between you and your love are part of what make you two a good couple. But in order to be a GREAT couple, you should open yourselves up to trying new things together. For example, a cooking or dancing class can bring you both out of your comfort zones at the same time, allowing you to lean on each other for help and support, thus bringing you two closer together. Try a date to watch a band that plays music you both have never really listened to. The worst case scenario is that you both totally hate the band and develop this hatred together. This date could be followed by a great conversation as to why you both will never enjoy that type of music. The best case scenario is that you both enjoy the band and have formed a new appreciation of an art form together.
2. Don’t expect what you see in movies. Women especially are notorious for falling for the extra syrupy, over the top love story.  If you find yourself comparing your relational experiences to that of Harry and Sally, Kate and Leopold, or Shrek and Fiona, you are selling your relationship short. The storylines and experiences in movies are not real. This seems to be a very obvious statement, but oftentimes we find ourselves wondering what our partner is missing that makes him/her act differently from the actress in the starring role of our favorite romantic comedy. Generally the answer is: A writing team. So unless you and your partner are carrying around a team of great writers, you should stay away from comparing your relationship to that of any movie. Some people would suggest you stay away from watching romantic comedies altogether, but that is the topic of a different article.
3. Stay away from perfection. Let’s set the record straight for perfectionists. If you are a perfectionist, you will probably want to stay away from relationships. Conversely, if you are in a relationship, you should stay away from the idea of “perfection.” Relationships are made up of two human beings (in most cases). Humans are full of flaws and character traits that make perfection impossibility. You will never find the perfect person. Doing so will only lead you to constant disappointment.  Like an unknown author once said “No one is perfect…that’s why pencils have erasers.” What you can do is lean toward greatness together.
4. Tolerance goes a long way. Now that we’ve cleared up the misconception on perfection, we can move on to tolerance. The ability to see a person’s shortcomings and still appreciate the person for who they are is what makes relationships successful. Tolerance takes effort. It is not just about pretending to ignore a person’s faults. It is about actively striving to live with that person’s faults and work around each other with our own faults.  Be empathetic towards your partner.
5. Build each other up. A great relationship means that the two of you are constantly working at building each other up. You are sharing your goals and aspirations with each other, and looking at ways to help your partner get to the next level.  It takes trust for your partner to openly share his/her goals with you. You can show them that trust is warranted and protected by being an active part of helping your loved one to attain those goals.  Doing things like sharing how you have accomplished a goal in the past or pointing your partner to a resource you found helpful will do more good than you think.
6. Encourage decision making. If you have ever been around a couple in their seventies that has been together for over 30 years, you may notice that in many cases, the roles of decision making are left primarily to the husband. This was the case in my grandparents’ relationship prior to my grandfather passing away. The saddest part about the situation was that once my grandfather was gone, my grandmother was left having to learn to make decisions on her own.  Yes, this is an extreme case, but the point is that both people in the relationship should have a say in the direction that the relationship moves. If there is a disagreement, take the time to hear both sides before making a couple’s decision. Here is where patience plays a major part. Your job as partners is to encourage and support each other, even through rough decisions.
7. Focus on the positive. Throughout your time with your partner, focus on what made you fall in love in the first place. Remind yourself of what makes your partner great. Be thankful for the time that you have together. Take time to do things for your partner with a smile.  If you focus on positivity, negativity has a harder time of creeping in. By sharing your positive thinking with your partner, you will both see each other in such a light that will make being angry with each other harder to do. And let’s face it – it is hard to have a “Happily-ever-after” without a positive outlook and a smile.

As stated before, this is just a beginner’s guide. There are many books by relationship experts that can help you along the way. You can continue an online search for more articles on healthy relationship building techniques. Also, marriage and couples seminars can be a great way to seal the love in your relationship by learning more about yourself and your partner. Just remember that every relationship is different and should be taken seriously if you want it to last. This means going the extra steps in order to create the extraordinary!