HEALTH TIPS, GUIDES AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

How to Cope With The Death of Your Beloved Spouse

For most of us our husband or wife is the most important person in our lives. Mother and father are special relationships with close bonds but your spouse is the one person you can count on and who has, most likely, bestowed much love and affection on you for many years. They are your soul mate, someone whom you have depended upon and relied on for most, if not your entire adult life. It is inevitable that one of us dies first and when it is your life partner that is the beginning of a heartbreaking period in life. It is a time to grieve and also celebrate the great life you had together. The grieving process is a necessary part of life we all must go through and there is no right or wrong method of handling it.

We each handle grief in our own way

There are stages of grief we each must go through as the healing process begins.

1)     Shock may be the start when the death was sudden and unexpected. How could the one person you needed most and depended on the most, leave you? How can you survive without him or her? This may well trigger fears of your own mortality even while grieving for the loss of your spouse.

2)     Anger is important as a method of healing because we must have something or someone to blame. A disease such as heart disease or cancer cannot be “chased away”, they may be considered a part of the life cycle and inevitable for many of us. But feeling and expressing anger at the disease, while it is of no actual benefit, will help with the grieving process because we can at least express our emotions and not feel entirely helpless when facing such insurmountable odds.

3)     Guilt is part of the emotional roller coaster that is commonly felt when a close loved one dies. How could we have helped prevent this from happening? Many feel it should have been them rather than their loved one who has perished. How can we survive without them? Guilt includes a period of bargaining when we beg for this to end. Perhaps even wishing to take the place of your ill loved one.

4)     Denial is common because we simply refuse to believe this is happening to us? You know your friend has experienced a devastating loss but it simply shouldn’t happen to you. But it happens to each of us sooner or later.

5)     Physical signs of grief include sleeplessness, crying, nausea, gaining or losing weight, feeling constant fatigue, and physical aches and pains, among others.

6)     Depression is a serious emotion that works like a blanket, surrounding us with darkness and allowing the grief to wash over us. For a period of time we feel we simply cannot cope with all life has thrown at us. But serious depression will pass as the healing process continues.

7)     Accepting death as part of life’s cycles and finally feeling at peace with that spouses death is usually the final stage and one in which we finally feel resigned to our loss, let them go in peace, and feel peace ourselves and appreciate the fact that loved one has gone on to a better place.

Grieving is an individual emotional and necessary period

Losing a spouse is deeply painful and grieving is a vital process. We each cope with it in slightly different manners, thinking it will never end. But the truth is you will feel better and work through the pain over time. It may take weeks or months but grieving is important and can be considered a healing process. Do not worry that you will ever forget your loved one. But the pain will soon be replaced by fond memories of all that was good in your life with your spouse. Ignoring your pain will not make it go away and when someone tells you to be strong and cope, let them know you need this period of grieving and to allow you time. Crying is a normal emotional reaction and this must not be stifled. Holding back the grief will only prolong the process. We each must grieve in our own way and while you are perhaps sadder than you’ve ever been, you are entitled to grieving in your own way. Let it out and you will feel better as the healing process continues.

Support groups are there to help when depression is severe

Joining a support group or even the support of your own close knit family can help with the healing process. Talking about your spouse, recalling the good times (and even the not so good) can help heal emotions. Family, close friends and religious beliefs will help make the healing go faster. Do not attempt to “handle” it alone. Others who have been through the same loss will be comforting and through an exchange of coping methods will show it can be accomplished.

Keeping healthy is vital to the grieving process

Once the healing is underway you need to make a point of taking care of yourself both emotionally and physically. Immunity may be lowered due to depression and you definitely do not need to become ill now. Keeping your health is vital and an important phase in the healing process. Your loved one would not want you to become sick. The celebratory part of grieving now comes into play as you talk about the good times from your past. Your spouse was a vital part of your adult life and they deserve to be recognized as such. When your anniversary or their birthday comes along, celebrate the fact your life was so good together, and then move on. Covering up the sadness will only prolong it. Keep your family and friends close as you work your way through the process of grief and life will soon improve.