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How To Find Out If He Or She Lying To You.

Everyone has perpetrated a lie on occasion but there are some instances where lying can be considered OK. Those small and insignificant or “white lies” often are meant to be non harmful or keep someone from being embarrassed or from becoming hurt by false information. A husband telling his wife she looks great in her new dress when he actually thinks it’s not all that flattering is a form of small or white lie, simply to keep from hurting her feelings. And those are considered OK although some will prefer to be brutally honest and “tell it like it is”.

Today’s society requires lying in some situations

Almost everyone is guilty of lying for a good cause and today we actually seem to encourage a certain amount of false statements (lies). Telling your spouse you went to the library when you actually met with an old friend can be called a dangerous form of lying because it implies deceit. A popular television series (Lie To Me) shows “experts” using facial recognition to sort through the emotions humans display during conversation. From this they separate those who are honest in their responses while they also determine liars by means of facial tics and grimaces. These uncontrollable reactions can show who is giving false information and often guilt is placed based on the determinations made.

Liars show signs they are less than honest

How can we determine when someone is lying? And how serious is that lie?

1)    Society breeds habitual liars: Society often pressures us to tell lies and they are often small in consequence and result in no punishment.  But sometimes lying can develop into an uncontrollable habit – something that will land you into trouble every now and then. Telling the teacher the dog ate your homework is a minor lie that may become more serious when that student fails a test that would have been easily accomplished if he had studied and done his homework. When he states that he did do the work but for some reason cannot provide it can be proven when he is tested. This type of lie can lead to more if it works once; it often will again. And that teacher will know for sure the student lied when the results show the homework was never done. These habits once formed are hard to break. An errant student trying to escape getting reprimanded by the teacher may grow up into an adult who lies routinely to get out of tight spots. Watch your partner, if he/she lies once too often, it is a good possibility he/she will lie to you too in order to save his/her proverbial “butt”.

2)    ‘The Catcher is the Eye’: Eye contact is something the typical liar tries to avoid. When you look someone right in the eye you challenge them to be open and honest. This makes many who lie extremely uncomfortable and the show that by squirming or making hand gestures you can observe. Those who are more comfortable with their lies may not show such obvious signs however.

3)    Looking for words?”: Repeating the exact words used to accuse them is a common sign that a lie has been given. Asking if a boyfriend went right home after a date may find him stating “Yes I went straight home after our date”, displaying nervousness in their answer. If they had in fact stopped by to visit an old flame after the evening out with his current romantic interest he won’t want to let her know and will lie. This lie can be considered to be a small one if his new relationship is in its early stages but may be more serious if he and his “sweetheart” have become seriously involved or even engaged.

4)    Oversell, a dead giveaway: Liars often over sell when making their alibi. Offering too much information is a sure sign of nervous deceit, and this may be compounded by giving elaborate excuses for their actions. Extensive explanations only draw attention to the deceit or doubt and experienced liars usually won’t fall into that trap.

5)    Getting defensive: Becoming defensive when questioned is a sure sign that there is something deceitful going on. Liars do not like to be caught in the act and especially those who lie successfully most of the time find that doubting them makes them angry and will over react by becoming defiant and defensive in their answers. A common lie-saver is “Just call so-and-so and confirm the fact”. This usually succeeds in reassuring the other person of the liar’s truthfulness.

6)    Watch that face: Watch facial expressions when determining a lie because most of us simply cannot keep from showing our emotions in some way such as by a grimace, wide open eyes, furrows in the brow, nervous smiles, touching their face (especially covering their mouth), coughing, blinking rapidly, and pulling their ear (a sign they did not like what they just heard).

Studying faces and expressions help us learn how their physic works

The professional liar will be able to camouflage most of the signs that they are lying. They do not have a conscience that makes them feel guilt when they deceive. These career liars will always be around, always ready to take advantage of others. Learning how to “read” a liar and confront them may never keep that liar from repeating their actions, but at least their falsehood has been brought to their attention and they may be more nervous about their deceptions in the future. Even though a certain amount of “little white lies” can be beneficial in some instances, finding an honest person is like finding the pearl in an oyster, rare but definitely worth the search.