HEALTH TIPS, GUIDES AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

How To Keep The Romance Alive in Marriage

Thoreau was single when he wrote about how most men lead lives of quiet desperation.  Had he been married, he would have penned an even more melancholy line.  For most couples, marriage represents the surest way to kill a perfectly good romance.  Making the relationship more about the business of surviving from one day to the next, couples very quickly lose the romance.  The spark and sparkle seem to disappear before they have written the last thank you note for the wedding gifts.

Make one another your first priority.

Marriage frequently seems like a license to take one another for granted.  Women are especially guilty of thinking, “Now that the deal’s done and he’s mine, I’ve got it made.”  Men make a different deadly mistake, turning their wives into terrifying reinventions of their mothers.  Because people naturally develop their paradigms of marriage from their experiences with their parents, they often fall into behaviors that seem familiar but are grossly inconsistent with how they feel or what they want. 

You can prevent the most fundamental problem in most marriages.  Instead of regarding the marital bond as a “given” in your life, regard it as a precious gift.  When you look at your partner, recognize how that person gave himself or herself to you, focusing on the “cherish” the vows included.  As a practical matter, remember that your spouse takes precedence over your job, your children, your extended family, and the remote control.  Understanding that you express your love in every choice you make, consistently make choices that prove your partner is your first priority.

As the marriage begins, or as you and your partner work to renovate a stale marriage, take time honestly to discuss your values and expectations.  Especially your expectations.  Say out loud that you want to feel wanted and needed; admit that you want to be the center of your partner’s universe.  Then, discuss what it will take to fulfill your desires.  In these discussions, try to balance your ideals with the facts of your everyday life.  If dishwashing detergent is Kryptonite to your husband’s species, do not insist on his doing the dishes.  Relieve him of dishwashing duties in exchange for a solemn promise he always will pick-up his dirty clothes.  Recognizing that your husband is struggling to pick up those nasty socks, treat it as the expression of love it represents, and reciprocate.  Make the effort to wear that mini-skirt your husband loves so much.  Of course, it makes you feel awkward and uncomfortable, but it makes your husband as happy as you feel when you behold no socks or boxers on the bedroom floor.

Religiously observe “date night.”

Remember how you used to feel butterflies at the thought of getting dressed-up and going out with your boyfriend or girlfriend?  Remember how the two of you could gaze into one another’s eyes and talk easily for hours?  If those memories seem to swell-up from the recesses of very long ago, you need to bring them back into the “this week” of your consciousness.  In fact, the busier you and your partner are, the more work and family obligations you juggle, the more you absolutely must have “date night.”  Aggressively hunt down a babysitter, paying the prevailing rate and counting it a bargain for all the romance you will enjoy.  Then, take time to prepare as if it were your first date with the person of your dreams, and make the night as magical and wonderful as it can be.  The fact is, the more you have neglected your spouse, the more you have taken him or her for granted, the more you need to get busy courting him or her aggressively.  A good partner is a very rare commodity, and you should treat your precious gift with all the care and love he or she deserves.