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She’s his ex but how can I cope with her?

Becoming the new wife poses many challenges that simply fall into unknown territory before the marriage. Whether you want it or not you are being judged and compared by practically everyone involved, including relatives and friends of both your new husband and his ex-wife. And be prepared to come to the realization that you just don’t quite stack up when compared with her. The ex’s friends will naturally feel some resentment no matter who divorced whom. The relatives (hers) will naturally feel you are an intruder who stands in the way of their sister, daughter, cousin, etc. and her former husband from ever reuniting.

Do not despair however because, after all, he chose to marry you! This time around it will be for keeps for you both and despite some initial resentment, your new family will come around, realizing you are perhaps the better choice after all.

It’s only natural to feel like “second banana”

Feeling the need to “prove yourself” is only natural but don’t try too hard. By simply being yourself you will allow those with negative feelings to come to the conclusion you are good for your new husband. It’s how you handle the ex that will help you ingratiate yourself into the family smoothly and quickly. You have won! He chose you after having a bad marriage he’s ready to commit all over again and chose you to become the new Mrs. ______. If that ex-wife tries to manipulate him you must be patient and let her show her dark side to everyone. Even she will soon come around to seeing you are good for your man. But it might take a bit of time for everyone to adjust, particularly if there are children from the first wife present. She will be worried that you might replace more than just being his partner in life. You will be around the kids if he has joint custody and they may even learn to love you. It might be time to show her that you have no intention of taking her place when it comes to the children, but you will care for them and about them when they are in your home.

Trading in one relationship for another is never easy

The second wife (or third) may be an exact opposite of the first, or she may even be nearly identical in personality and temperament. It might be the easiest when you are directly opposite because it’s really hard to compare apples to tomatoes, but apples to oranges can create some awkward situations. If the new spouse is shy and introverted while the first wife was a social butterfly this may be difficult for the hubby to handle when he needs his wife to interact with business associates and socializing is vital to the business he has made. Wife number two will need to step up and learn how to become the partner he needs. The ex-wife can’t be blamed for her personality type but nether can the replacement wife, who should try to expand her horizons in order to help her husband with his career.

Harassed by the ex-wife? Do not make a contest out of it

An unhappy ex can create havoc with a new marriage if she resents the new wife. Depending on the reason for the marriage break up, an ex-wife may well feel she lost her husband to a conniving husband thief. In fact she may feel that way even if it was an amicable split. The husband needs to reassure his new spouse that she is now #1 in his life and the past is past. If possible the two women should try to get to know each other. This will help ease the discomfort and heal wounds that may have occurred when the marriage broke up. Ex husbands are notorious for taking the easy “middle road” and simply letting his women battle it out. If arguments and bitterness between the wives becomes a serious issue he must step up and choose a side. And he must side with his new bride.

Ex-wives are heavy baggage when entering a new marriage

The former wife needs to get her own life and when she finds a companion for herself she will most likely ease up on her ex’s new wife. It makes everything simpler if the ex finds herself another man first but that is not always possible. Just know that it will pass and becoming a wife he is proud of will make life easier for you all. Many ex spouses eventually become friends and even socialize with each other, especially if there are children involved. It makes life altogether easier and much more simple if you can become one big happy family.