January 25, 2011
How to Understand and Deal with Alcoholic Parents
Alcoholics come in any race, religion, income level and social circle. The all have one thing in common and that is a dependency on alcohol that can cause them to blackout or suffer from tremors (shaking uncontrollably) psychological problems and even behavioral problems that may cause them to lose jobs and friends. Most are highly educated and intelligent and may even be A type personalities. The old misconception that an alcoholic must be lazy ambitionless and mentally slow simply does not fit the average person who also happens to be addicted to alcohol. Learning to deal with an alcoholic parent can be a trying process.
When the alcoholic becomes a parent life is never “normal”
Mothers who drink while pregnant run the risk of their baby being born with FAS or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome which contributes to one out of three causes of birth defects. The National Council for Alcoholism & Drug Dependence warns that about five thousand babies are born yearly with evidence of FAS by way of some form of severe birth defect and an additional thirty five thousand have milder forms of defect due to their mother’s addiction to alcohol. Alcoholism is considered to be a family disease because it tends to run in families and the propensity to become addicted to alcohol is often found to be hereditary. Some family problems caused by alcoholism include:
1) Problems can start in the womb. Alcohol will be carried to the fetus and all other organs of a drinking mother. An unborn baby will have the same amount of alcohol in its bloodstream as the mother who imbibes. While she parties her baby suffers and may even die.
2) The young child who suffers from mental issues do to their alcoholic mother will often have mental problems caused by deformities of their brain and even their skull. Their appearance may show the common signs of thin upper lip, longish flat face, and small eye openings. They will also often suffer from slower than normal reaction to stimuli, a short attention span, and behavioral problems (that may not show up until they attend school).
3) Young children are confused by their parent who is under the influence. That parent tends to be very inconsistent in their parenting skills or even absent from the home for extended periods of time. When they are around their children an alcoholic might show anger one minute and be overly affectionate the next.
4) The fact is that around seventy six million Americans have felt the affects of alcohol through another family member, making the entire families everyday life disrupted.
5) As the child of an alcoholic parent gets older they are usually fairly anti-social and withdraw from social activities at school because they are covering up for their parent.
Al-Anon and Alateen are there for family members
The best thing any child or spouse of an alcoholic can do is join Al-Anon or Alateen. Both are there to help and are related to Alcoholic’s Anonymous in that they are not for profit organizations with the same philosophy that has been proven to work for AA. They assist by helping their members to understand that they are not responsible for their alcoholic parents’ actions and that alcoholism is a disease. They also adhere to the Twelve Steps to Recovery Program that has long been highly effective for alcoholics who follow the guidelines.
Some helpful suggestions for children of alcoholics include:
1) Don’t blame yourself for your parent’s illness (remember it is a disease they suffer from).
2) Let out your feelings of resentment and fear. Talk with someone about your parent. Be it the other parent, a grand parent, aunt or uncle. Maybe a teacher you feel you can confide in. This is where Alateen proves invaluable because they have other children with similar issues. Airing your feelings will help to cope so even if you just write them down it will prove a method of “venting” your anger and hurt.
3) Do not depend on that parent or even trust them to be honest with you unless they have proven to you they are still rely on them to be competent.
4) Try talking with that parent when they are sober. First thing in the morning or when they first come home from work may allow you to explain how much their drinking problem hurts you. They may well feel guilty enough to seek help.
5) Whatever you do, do not begin drinking yourself. This will only multiply your problems and get you into trouble. Remember that alcoholism can be hereditary so keep away from alcohol for your entire life.
6) If your alcoholic parent is abusive to you, leave home! And don’t be afraid to tell someone who can help both you and your parent.
